I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
