I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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