maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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