Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize