The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
