now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
