i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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