haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
