im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
