I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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