so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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