sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
