Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
