Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
