i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
