That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
