I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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