what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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