wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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