let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
