glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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