There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
