So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
