god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
