good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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