I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
