shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
