so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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