Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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