His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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