We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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