we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
