So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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