Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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