I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize