I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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