I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
