The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
