Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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