If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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