remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
