my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
