Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
