I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
