I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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