i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
