i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
