Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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