some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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