I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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