I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize