he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
