Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
