just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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