I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
