Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
