the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
