We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
