every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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