Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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