I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
