She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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