he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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