well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
