Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize