So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
