Non-Jews are for practice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
