I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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