you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize